Home >> Forums >> Stories >> Story Thread: Atom's Cry by Pharthan (Threshold story)

This topic contains 6 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Pharthan Pharthan 1 year, 5 months ago.

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  • #989
    Profile photo of Pharthan
    Pharthan
    Moderator

    This is the thread to discuss my as-of-yet unfinished, untitled story centered around a reactor sailor from the Threshold of Hadrian.

    Some things you may notice: It still discusses the use of Zero Point Energy Reactors. Much of the story was written before we hammered down the notion of using DMRs instead of ZPRS.
    (If you can think of a new nickname for DMR sailors; i.e. modern day Nuclear reactors are “Nukes,” ZPR sailors were “Zips” and “Zippers,” need a new nickname for Dark Matter Reactor” sailors. May have to be less name oriented and something similar to how they actually do their jobs)

    Keep in mind that the narrator & main character, Chris Kierson, is intentionally initially portrayed as a very bitter sailor, similar to a modern-day Nuke. This was intentionally done to allow for character development.

     

    I still have a lot of brainstorming to do with this.

     

     

    #992
    Profile photo of Josheua
    Josheua
    Keymaster

    Fantastic slice of life story you got there David!

    From our own shared experience, I can say you capture the feel of the hum drum of a peace time navy perfectly. I also can tell that drawing from your experiences helped put the foundation there.

    A few thoughts:

    It might be worth digging a bit more into the main character’s backstories. You put a lot in about there current situations, but it feels almost too en media res. I’m not locked to the characters or concerned about them as much as I feel I should be.

    You could call your reactor guys “Mags” (after the MAG drive itself).

    I’m looking forward to following Chris’ story more, and likewise with our RIFT soldier.

    Great work!

    #994
    Profile photo of Ryly
    Ryly
    Keymaster

    I like both MAGs and ZPRS, it reminds me of the Vicers from B5 (VCR’s).

     

    I look forward to seeing some!

    #996
    Profile photo of Pharthan
    Pharthan
    Moderator

    Yeah, I’ll work on Chris’s and Ramirez’s backstory a bit. Try to figure out how to fit that in there.

    I had settled on calling the Reactor guys “Armags,” for the Department abbreviation: R-MAG (Reactor/MAG) since they do both.

    MAGs might work better, though.

    #1086
    Profile photo of Pharthan
    Pharthan
    Moderator

    Hey! So, I updated the story a bit. Name change and what I said I was going to change from before, as well as more content!

    I added a whole new bit, right at the point where Chris smashes his head, if you’ve already read what I had before. There is also another dozen or so pages tagged onto the end.

     

    #1290
    Profile photo of Pharthan
    Pharthan
    Moderator

    I have recently updated my story, now known as Atom’s Cry

    #1377
    Profile photo of Pharthan
    Pharthan
    Moderator

    Posted up an updated version of the story.

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